Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Randomize
