the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
