a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
