I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
