That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
