plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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