I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
