he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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