Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
