God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
