Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
