I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Text me some of your sweat
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
