ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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