6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
