please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
