Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
