we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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