last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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