Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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