so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
