I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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