just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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