how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
