someone get that fucking seahorse.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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