hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
