but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
