I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
