Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
