Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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