New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
