I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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