shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
