Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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