and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
