the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
