So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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