i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
