I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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