i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
