True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
