We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
