oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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