i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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