Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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