my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
