I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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