The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
