My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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