just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
