We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
