she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
