he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
