So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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