She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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