I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
