I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
