Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
