His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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